just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
third nipple confirmed
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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