Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
