it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
lol hangovers are for mortals.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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