Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
