just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
