im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
