I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Terrible idea I love it
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
