Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
