I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
third nipple confirmed
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
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