Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
