Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
