walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I think my moral compass just broke
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
