my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
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My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
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Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
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