I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
