what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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