This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize