That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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