dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
