You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
