I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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