hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
worst night to have a conscience
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Randomize
