Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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