I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
