i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
