Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
