The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
