Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
