I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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