you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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