the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
