I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
