dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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