4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Randomize
