I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
