my phone needs a breathalizer
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize