You're completely useless in the revolution.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
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He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
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Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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