I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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