R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
