just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
You can't just leave with hair like that
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
