Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
