I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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