We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
