the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
