If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
