I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
