return my video game
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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