Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize