I threw up into my coffee this morning.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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