Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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