How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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