piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
