There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Randomize
