I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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