i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
