Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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