Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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