Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
