Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
