Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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