This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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