Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
All the doctor said was why
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize