I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
