dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Randomize
