the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
