And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
